Bitter, Sweet

What a bitter sweet 24 hours! Short story is, we have hit target! Thank you all so much + I have attached a short video that explains George's injury for those that are interested. Long story.... ramblings of a very grateful but sleep deprived dad who feels it important to share our experiences to help you understand the impact of your donation. Please excuse spelling and grammar. English wasn't my strongest subject plus these tired eyes can hardly see the phone. Might need to get a laptop. Natalie and I are currently sat on the sofa having cracked a tin of beer each. What better way to unwind at the end of the day. Sounds perfect!.. if only it was. We are currently taking it in turns to cuddle George, passing him between ourselves like a baton in a relay race. Only this baton has a feeding tube hanging from it that is currently delivering formula. We are trying desperately not to get tangled up in it or pull fron George's nose. Neither of us are able to calm George and I am writing this update between my stints. His screams are so loud and pained that we don't know if tiredness or the pure volume of his crying that is giving us headache...... this is our life now, our new normal. We feel so helpless and sad for our poor boy. It was never supposed to be like this. By now we have exhausted our arsenal of drugs and have to just sit it out for the next 3 hours or so, hoping that he will calm down. We anxiously watch over him, worrying that his ever rising stress levels are going to cause yet more siezures. We are tired because we have a 5 month old baby, but we have a special 5 month old baby, he is a HIE grade 3 baby. His gut pain and brain injury cause him agonising pain making it impossible for him to sleep. We went to bed as a family at 2215 last night. George was settled, sleeping beautifully. By 2240 I find myself coming back downstairs sat infont of the TV with George in my arms. The screen illuminates the room, I'm watching Rick Mayall and Ade Edmondsons idiotic antics in the series bottom, which is playing on gold. I've seen it may times before, but this time it is diffrent, this time there is no sound to be heard. All I can hear is the ringing of George's screams. My ears feel like they are bleeding. Mean while mummy is lay peacefully in bed like sleeping beauty, resting up ready for her 10+ hour working day tomorrow. (I am joking) she is lay in bed, but the sounds of George's cry echo through the house. This paired with the maternal instinct mean that within a couple of hours she is downstairs adorned in her dressing gown ready to take the baton. Thank god, I selfishly think all fatigued from what feels like a wrestling match just trying to hold him secure as he's limbs flail about. The tag team is reunited and we pass him to and fro for the night. The night passes and the day time routine begins. Mummy's working, daddy's making formula ready for the am feed then Danny turns up. We finalise plans and the ground works begin...... our vision and dream is going to start taking shape. George sleeps peacefully thorough his feed blissfully unaware of what is about to happen. We were about to hit our target. We couldn't believe it. Wake up George we are thinking, all excited to get a picture of him on the digger with Danny. Digger sticker stuck to his face, hi-viz and hard had donned hes ready for his pic. This little bit of escapism brings us joy and we are already dreaming of the print ready to adorne our wall. It also provides an opportunity to show what you guys have helped us to achieve through your kind and generous donations. We know this calmness is temporary and we wait anxiously for the next uncomfortable and pained crying spell, but that's life hey. We are yet to venture far from the house. A dog walk with George in his buggy is as exotic as it gets due to the lottery of when his unconsolable crying will start. Our dream of a trip to the sea life centre is on hold until we can at least guarantee a few hours calmness to allow George to enjoy it. For now we will patiently wait for the garden project to be completed and look forward to firing up the bbqs and getting George all relaxed in his pool! If you have managed to get this far, well done and thank you again for your kindness.